Deserved Page 12

  “Lottie?” I heard Tommy say, surprised, and turned to see him looking at her through the now open door. The look of confusion on her face was evident and I was sure she’d try to get into the detail of this odd predicament later.

  “Tommy, you need to come downstairs. There’s a problem,” she said, her eyes shifting rapidly between the two of us.

  “We’re coming,” he said to her, confirming that our discussion was very much over, only adding to her suspicion. Tommy walked past her, and as I made to follow, she looked me square in the eye, her silent question of ‘what the hell is going on?’ implicit. Ignoring her, I raced down the stairs after Tommy, realizing that the party noise was almost none existent, the atmosphere felt wrong and the reason was stood in front of us.

  Standing in the doorway looking like a reject from a street corner was a woman barely able to stand up. In dirty clothes and in dire need of a chemical hose down was a woman with eyes that mirrored those of the young girl I’d become attached to.

  “Maisie, what the fuck do you want?” Tommy growled, confirming that I was looking at the mess that was Carly’s mom.

  Tommy Sevens

  “Everyone out,” I shouted, in a tone that would broker no argument from anyone. At least I thought it wouldn’t until Lacey took my back. I was beyond annoyed that this bitch had the fucking balls to come to my house after what she’d done. When I turned to see Lacey stood behind me, I caught Carly taking her opposite flank, positioning themselves behind me like sentries.

  “Don’t break up the party cus’a me. I like a good party.” Maisie was wobbling in front of me and it made me sick to my stomach. I hadn’t seen her for years. In the beginning she’d been something special. Yeah, she’d always liked a good time, but now, this was a whole other level. To think that my daughter had been surviving in an environment with this… this thing was terrifying.

  “Lacey, take Carly to yours.”

  “But…” She tried to step closer and went to raise her hand to touch me, but it felt like that was another blurred line. I wanted it to be out of support, but I knew she was getting protective over me. Her gesture was inappropriate right now and causing me extra grief I didn’t fucking need.

  “Now, Lace,” I insisted and turned to look at her. She understood. I knew she did because her eyes shuttered with a clear ‘fuck you’.

  Fortunately, Lottie and Oli were busy ushering the other kids out of my house so they didn’t see the side action, but unfortunately, someone else picked up on it.

  “Got yourself a young ‘un, Tommy?”

  “Shut your fucking mouth,” I barked back at Maisie. “Lacey. Leave now.” I watched her take Carly’s hand then she ushered her around me and past Maisie.

  “Where you going with my girl? Bitch, she needs to come home.”

  Carly froze on the spot and Lacey moved in front of her, squaring her shoulders. Fortunately for both of us, Lottie stepped in after she’d put the last of the kids in the mini bus.

  “We’ll take Carly to ours. Things will be fine here,” she said, and with that, she nodded at her husband and pushed them both out the door. I felt Oli take the spot directly behind me.

  “You’ve got three fucking seconds to tell me why you’re here?”

  “Nice place you got. Looks like you’re living the good life we always talked about,” she mumbled, seeking out the wall for support.

  “One,” I reminded her.

  “I knew you’d look after her. You got a drink or a smoke I can have?”

  Fuck, she was disgusting. The girl I had once been intimate with was absolutely gone and in her place was this creature who, quite frankly, needed putting out of her misery.

  “Two. Last fucking chance.”

  “Okay, okay. I’m in a bit of a spot. I need some cash…”

  “How much?” I demanded. It was time to get to the heart of the matter. “And where is my leech of a fucking mother hiding?”

  “Gloria? She took off. She warned me about those guys. I… uh… twenty large. I owe twenty grand to them.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ. You owe the worst crew for nearly a hundred square miles twenty k? How the fuck are you still alive?”

  “I was asked to help with a delivery and it went bad. Things got messed up and a shipment got lost.” Her body language was odd, I couldn’t decide whether it was fear or withdrawal, but something wasn’t right with her. It was a wonder Carly was still in one piece after being raised by this bitch.

  “I do not have that kind of cash. You lost it, your problem, so you can fucking sort it.”

  The color in her cheeks was almost non-existent. She was pasty and clearly needed a hit desperately.

  “You have. Don’t lie to me. I need it. You got the cabs and this house. Just sell a cab. You need to find it for me, Tommy. I was warned they might want more than cash, which is why Gloria ran. She sent Carly here to keep her safe.” She was starting to shake now.

  “My daughter is not involved in this. My daughter is no longer any concern of yours. You left her in that disease ridden trailer while you went out and got fucked by a load of outlaws. You can…” I felt a hand on my shoulder and remembered that Oli was still here. His presence was probably a Godsend. The way I was feeling, I didn’t trust the limits the woman could push me towards.

  “I need that money or I need her. One or the other,” she whispered as a few scrawny tears finally escaped down her face.

  Refusing to believe the threat she’d just made, I looked at her. “Come again?”

  “I’m running out of time, Tommy. If I don’t come up with the cash by the end of the month, they’ve said they’ll clear it for me… if I take Carly back with me.”

  I honestly thought my head was going to explode. In fact, maybe I was losing my touch, because I expected to look up and find my brains already decorating the walls.

  “Get the fuck out of my house! Your problem, Maisie, you fucked it up. You and those crazy mother fuckers can forget about my daughter,” I bellowed, so loudly that she cowered against the wall, covering her ears with her dirty hands. I wondered how I could see that amount of detail, but then I realized it was because I’d advanced on her, got in her space, and I was close to wringing her scrawny neck.

  “I think you should leave,” Oli said over my shoulder, and then I felt him pulling me back away from her.

  “I’ll tell them where she is,” she taunted.

  I finally snapped, and in an unbelievable feat of logistics, I managed to get around Oli and grab her by her bony arms. When I felt the breeze on my face, I knew I’d made it outside, and I shoved her at the floor before turning round and going back inside. When the door was closed, I sat on the floor behind it like I was scared she was going to come back in. I needed the next five seconds to myself, no, the next few minutes, just until I could be certain that I wasn’t going to open the door, chase her down and beat her to death.

  “We’ve had contact. The ex. Cash or Carly,” I heard Oli say into his cell phone.

  Lacey Talbot

  There was a knock at my bedroom door. Carly was in Grove House with the other kids. After Lottie and I had calmed her down enough to see that she wasn’t going to be shipped back to her mother’s, I‘d made a hasty exit. I was running on fumes, my emotions threatening to swamp me, and I needed space.

  I couldn’t believe what a mess that women was. Maisie was the worst thing I’d seen in a while and I’d seen some pretty hopeless people who called themselves mothers. She actually made my own mother seem like a model citizen. Through the whole ugly exchange I had this incessant need to protect both Carly and Tommy. Carly reminded me of myself—the dread I used to feel when my mom would turn up and make me leave Annie’s. The similarity in her reaction was frightening and I knew the exact level of anxiety she was feeling. It brought back many feelings I’d long since tried to repress, wondering what on earth I’d done to deserve such a bad person for a mother and why I wasn’t good enough for her to get her shit together
and raise me.

  I felt for Tommy, a proprietary feeling I‘d not really experienced before. Common sense kept trying to intervene and tell me it was ridiculous, but more and more I was beginning to think of him as mine. I knew what I was feeling for him was love, and that in itself was terrifying.

  “Come in.”

  “Hiya, you okay? We’re keeping Carly here for tonight. Her mom has gone, but she was after money.”

  “How much?”

  “A chunk that Tommy has said she’s not getting. It sounds like she’s in some serious debt with some serious people.” I’d already had an idea that was what was going on, but I couldn’t give that away so I just played dumb. “You seemed very protective of them tonight.”

  The comment made me drag in a deep breath. “I’ve become close to both of them. Carly is a great girl and reminds me a lot of myself.”

  “She is, but part of our job is understanding when we’re too invested. I think maybe I should take over, finish the final paperwork off. She’s legally Tommy’s responsibility after the completion of the DNA work, so we shouldn’t need to be involved too much longer.”

  With every fiber of my being I wanted to protest and scream.

  They were mine.

  Both of them.

  They were more than just a case. They’d become so important to me that I wasn’t sure how I was going to pass them in the street and nod in greeting. I didn’t know how I was going to let go of Tommy and watch him building a life for Carly that didn’t include me. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to deal with him eventually finding someone else .

  But I couldn’t say any of that, and Tommy had made his feelings about me clear. He regretted what we’d done. It was a mistake. He was working on forgetting it and moving on with his daughter and I was left with nothing, trying to accept that giving up was the sensible thing to do.

  “If you’re sure you have time,” I finally managed to croak out.

  “If you think it’s for the best… It was your first real solo case and I know how tough that can be.” I could only nod. I knew I was standing but I wasn’t sure how I was still on my feet. I felt like I might crack at any point, like the end was closing in on what I’d felt for Tommy and Carly. “You okay? You’d tell me if there was a problem, right? We can always talk about anything, anything at all.”

  “I know that. It’s all probably just a bit too close to home with my situation with my own mom.”

  Lottie seemed relieved that I’d provided some response for the devastation I was clearly failing to hide, and as she took me in her arms for a hug, I mustered up all my remaining strength in order to return it.

  “I feel like you’re lost and I’ve failed you by not helping you more. Maybe you should take a break, go on a little spa vay-cay.”

  I took in another lungful of stamina and unfolded my arms from around her. “Yeah, I think you’re right. A bit of beauty and relaxation will do me the world of good.”

  “Great idea.” She beamed and kissed my cheek in her familiar maternal way before leaving my room.

  I undressed quickly and climbed into bed, hiding beneath the covers like that would make everything go away. The more I mulled it over, the more I knew I had to get some space. I was utterly exhausted and didn’t know how to process all the shit I was allowing to overwhelm me.

  I cried myself to sleep knowing I’d lost Tommy. He didn’t want me enough to fight for us. He couldn’t see past the challenges he’d convinced himself ten years age difference made. And in the mix of it all, I’d also lost Carly.

  The two things I’d earned all on my own were no longer mine at all.

  Lacey Talbot

  I threw a few things into a bag just as the sun was coming up. I hadn’t slept much and the more I thought about getting away, the more it felt like the best option available to me. A few days in a spa retreat was the thing I focused on, so before I walked out of the door, I wrote a note for Lottie, letting her know I’d already left. I didn’t want any eyes trying to pry inside my soul, or Oli talking about what had happened with Tommy after I’d left, and I really didn’t want to see Carly when I knew I was going to have to let her go. I stuck it on the family pin board in the kitchen, smiling at the memories that returned when I saw some of the faces of the kids we’d helped since Grove House had opened, and I left.

  No one was awake so I was gentle with Tula’s doors as I closed them, remembering to turn down the stereo system before some crazy ass music blared from her speakers. I contemplated opening the roof, but it was still a bit misty and there was a slight chill in the air. My precious Tula welcomed me like she always did, her engine purring like a big cat waiting to be handled and set free. I’d never been to a spa, but Lottie and her friends had and from the stories I’d heard of Lottie’s ‘before us’ life, it seemed like they were some kind of church for her, places she could go to realign herself. Until the last time, that was, when she’d gone to get some space and ended up losing her parents that night. She hadn’t been to one since. Lottie’s life path took a course that night and she’d been centered enough without the need for her old routine. I was desperately hoping that the therapy of beautification would do that for me.

  I drove through the countryside so fast that a lot of it passed in a blur. My aim was to keep going until I reached somewhere no one knew me, somewhere I didn’t have to lie or pretend I was happy, and somewhere I could really get my head around what had happened. I felt bad for leaving Carly without saying goodbye this morning. She’d stayed with us after the disaster of her mother turning up, so I flipped open my cell, searched for her new number and figured the roads were still quiet enough to send a text and not risk life and limb.

  Me:

  As I hit send, I realized I would miss the hugs and kisses I’d signed off with. That girl held a place in my heart. She was living the life I had, but she’d been fortunate enough to find a parent who fought for her and wanted her. If I had to take one positive from this shitty situation, that was it. I’d helped them come together and grow as a father and daughter unit.

  “Damn it!” I couldn’t stop the tears that were falling down my face. I thought I’d cried enough last night, but apparently not. My heart was like a rubber band with the capacity to stretch and stretch and just take on more emotion. Sooner or later it would burst, though, and that was a day I was dreading.

  As the miles passed, my lungs started to function a little easier. They were able to work without the constant hurt I’d been allowing to overcome me. My stomach was still in knots, but I figured that pain would ease at some point. Maybe I just wasn’t far enough away from my problems yet.

  I stopped at a small gas station and gave my girl some sustenance. I was feeling peckish, too. I hadn’t eaten at last night’s party and was starting to feel queasy. I visited the restroom, splashed some water on my pale and puffy face and then walked round the little store with abandon, grabbing whatever I fancied until my arms were full. Driving south meant it was warmer and I was feeling hotter and hotter with each passing minute so I lowered Tula’s roof and grabbed my shades. I left the music off, knowing that the wind and fresh air would have a better chance of blowing away my troubles. I didn’t want any distractions. I needed to let my mind wander and cogitate it all so I could figure out what I’d done wrong and purge it from my system. If I had any hope of seeing something brighter ahead of me, I needed to make the old stuff fade away so I could understand it all.

  Was I acting like a silly teenage girl who’d gotten sucked into her first romance and read it all wrong? I couldn’t believe I was the only one who had been invested and involved. If the way Tommy had made me feel was the same for all the others he’d been with then why weren’t there droves of broken hearted bitches beating down his door? I was beginning to convince myself that what Tommy had made me feel was normal and that was how sex was for everyone.
If that was the right answer then I could just chalk it up to experience and wait for the next guy to come along and make me feel like Tommy had.

  As I pondered it all, the terrain around me became flatter, and the farmland rolled on for miles and miles until the view bled into the vista on the horizon and blurred with the heat haze. The number of cars increased but not by much and the sense of solitude was evident. There were people travelling in cars alone, farmers working the land around me by themselves and there seemed to be people wandering the sidewalks in the little towns I sped through, heading somewhere all on their own.

  A while after the gas stop, I started to feel a little motion sickness. My belly was bubbling inside my skin and when I looked at the pile of food I’d gathered from the rest stop, I realized I’d troughed my way through most of it without giving my stomach chance to digest it. Looking at the seat covered in empty chip bags and other sugary snacks, I felt even more disgusted and knew that the chances of my stomach dealing with what I’d put away were slim. The watery sensation at the back of my mouth began, my teeth started to feel like I’d borrowed them from someone else and I knew it was coming. With a flash, I chucked Tula to the side of the road and flung the door open. I didn’t even have time to get out. I just leaned to the side and hurled up all over the roadside. As soon as I felt it had all passed, I reached into the door pocket and grabbed some tissue paper to wipe my mouth.

  “That was just… urgh,” I mumbled to myself, feeling thankful that no one had driven past to see that display of disgustingness. I shut the door, sank back into my seat and reached for a bottle of water, swilling some around in my mouth before spitting it over the side of the door. Feeling weary all of a sudden, I closed my eyes for just a moment, breathing deep to make sure the moment had truly passed so I could carry on. I hadn’t been in a hurry to get to the spa at first but now the thought of a soft bed and a fluffy bathrobe seemed like heaven.