Deserved Page 11

  If there was one thing my past had taught me it was that you couldn’t force someone to love you, and when it was the one person you were convinced was your soul mate then the reality of losing that was going to take some getting over.

  Tommy Sevens

  Carly was flying high and I hadn’t even told her about the DNA test yet. She also didn’t question why I was picking her up from the multiplex. She jumped in the car and chattered none stop all the way home. I couldn’t get a bloody word in. She was raving about some of the girls, the games in the arcade and some other nonsense I had to work hard to keep up with, let alone understand. My training as a cab driver was working like a dream—nod in the right place, laugh appropriately and then insert inane comments when necessary.

  When Lacey had made her goodbye speech, I’d felt like someone was twisting a hot poker through my chest. It hurt like a fucking bitch and I knew I was making the wrong play as soon as she acted all mature and accepted it.

  However, that didn’t mean the decision wasn’t for the best. All that bullshit about ‘if you love someone set them free’ was just that—bullshit. But I wasn’t a soppy teenage girl who believed the lyrics of a Bieber tune. I was realistic. I was an older guy—as old as the people who cared for her. It would have been seen as an abuse of trust. After all, she came to help with Carly in an official capacity and I’d let the professional and the personal get out of control. I had enough on my plate with Carly starting a new school, and Maisie and my mother up to God knew what, without carrying on a clandestine fuck fest.

  But what a beautiful fuck fest it had been, and I only saw it getting deeper. Lacey was perfect for me. She got off on my need to be the man, the fucking dominant alpha, and it brought out a side in me that had rarely been seen by my past bed partners. Her need to please me made me want to please her more. Lacey made me so hard it bordered on painful. It was win-win.

  Until it wasn’t.

  After I let her leave, I went back to my bedroom and I could smell the passion and stench of sex thick and alive in the air. The sheets were ruffled and stained with cum and lipstick, a beautifully heart breaking sight. I stripped the bed quickly and when I violently yanked the bed sheets free, I heard a ruffle by the side of the bed and fell to my knees. Two unused condom packets drifted to the floor in the commotion and the sight of them devastated me. What the fucking hell was wrong me with? Lacey had me so consumed whenever we were together that I seemed to lose all sense of responsibility.

  That in itself was another good reason to let her walk away. Like the first time, I’d forgotten to suit up because we had both been so engrossed a fucking hurricane could have torn down the house before we’d have realized and stopped. She must have realized, too. After all, in this day and age it wasn’t just guys who took protection seriously. The only nagging doubt in my logic was her virginal status… Did virgins take contraceptive precautions these days? Either way, the question of my maturity was once again in doubt when I couldn’t bring myself to contact her and check to see if she, or rather we, were okay.

  The next day, I decided to make it all about Carly. She was formally, officially and categorically my daughter. I was excited about telling her and giving her the security and stability that she deserved, somewhere she could really put down some roots. We had one day off together over the weekend before she started her new school classes, and I was going to make it special. When she asked me what the day’s plan was at breakfast the next morning, I told her we were going shopping for new clothes, her own cell phone and school supplies. Her next question, however, stumped me.

  “Can Lacey come?”

  Shit.

  “Uh, I think she already has plans, and anyway, I want my girl to myself so be ready in twenty minutes.”

  Once Carly ran for her bedroom, I jumped into action, deciding there and then that I wanted a formal welcome to Hawkstown for my daughter. I rang Lottie and asked if some of the kids could stop by later for a bit of a party and before I knew it, the organizing team of Lottie, Dolly, Flo and Neely took over. Lottie’s excitement level seemed to be on a par with Carly’s, so I figured asking her to tone it down a bit was a non-starter. I told her of my shopping plans for the day and that she could get a house key from Tara to come in and set up. This would be the first surprise party I had been involved in that I actually felt excited for.

  Our shopping trip was as expected—heaven for Carly and hell for me. We sorted out the mobile phone first, but as neither of us knew what kind of school supplies she needed, we probably went over kill in that department, but what the hell? Seeing my daughter enthused over learning, pretty pens and cool notebooks seemed to make it worthwhile. We then hit the fashion store and the only thing I seemed to think on repeat was, how the hell do bitches do this for hours on end, weekend after weekend, wearing shoes that must make your feet bleed? I honestly had no idea, but by early afternoon I was begging to sit down, get a drink and feed my grumbling tummy.

  Carly and I took seats at one of the tables in the food mall and I wandered off to get us something to chow down on, keeping an eye on Carly just in case. I spotted Lacey’s thick mane of hair at the same time as Carly, and short of hurling the tray full of food and trying to intercept them, I stood no chance of keeping them apart. I could see Lacey nervously looking around for me as Carly began to drag her back to our table.

  Carly shook her head in confusion and said, “I thought you said Lacey was busy, Dad?”

  “I thought she was. I must have got the wrong end of the stick,” I replied feebly, setting the tray of food down. “Do you want something to eat, Lacey?”

  “No… thanks,” she replied, remembering that Carly wasn’t to blame for what had transpired between us even though she never looked at me while answering. Her manner towards me was cold, almost like she’d wiped all that we’d done together from her system. Her behavior was starting to piss me off and no matter how much I tried to come up with something that would force her to talk to me, I couldn’t. In short, if this was her idea of maturity then she was dead wrong.

  “I need to get moving,” she carried on. Enjoy your day, Carls,” she said, completely cutting me out of the conversation.

  “Lacey, wait, would you have half an hour to come shopping with me?” Carly asked her nervously.

  “No, she doesn’t,” I sniped back.

  “I think I can make up my own damn mind, Tommy. I don’t need someone making all the decisions about my life for me.”

  Ouch… Okay, two could play at that bitchy game.

  “I thought you just said you needed to get moving?”

  This time she glared at me, squinting her eyes in my direction, finally. “And I think I can decide that for myself, or do you need to decide everything for everyone all the time?”

  As much as I wanted to ball her out, I couldn’t. Firstly, we were in a mall, in public, and secondly, my very perceptive, mature daughter was watching our exchange with confusion.

  “Carly, what is it you need? I can help you pick out a nice dress.”

  “No, Dad, I need Lacey.”

  “Don’t be silly. What shop do we need to go to?”

  Lacey decided to get on my nerves even more then by intervening. “It’s perfectly fine, Tommy. I can carry on here. You can head home if you like. I will drop her off later.”

  Was she mad? Did she really think this shit was just going to carry on, that she could breeze into Carly’s life like a friend one minute and then be the professional carer the next?

  “No. Not happening.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” Carly interrupted. “I need some new underwear and to get measured, and unless you want to come bra shopping with me, Dad, please let Lacey take me. This is embarrassing enough as it is.”

  Lacey’s tough act fell away immediately and Carly’s red cheeks were enough to remind me that she probably needed a female and some privacy.

  “Okay, Carls, start your lunch. I need a word with Lacey.” I stepped to the sid
e and waited for Lacey to take the hint and follow. When she didn’t, I gave her look that let her know I was not in the mood to be fucked with.

  “Here’s my credit card. Get her whatever she needs and make sure it’s functional. None of that grown up fancy shit that looks like it should be on a porn star or pirate. She’s twelve and I’m already on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

  Lacey snatched the card from my fingertips. “Of course, boring stuff, granny pants and reinforced bras. We wouldn’t want any of the nicer stuff, now would we?”

  “Cut the fucking attitude. That’s my daughter, not some…”

  “Go on, say it—not some whore who wears G-strings and what? Goes out in just a raincoat and heels? Fuck you, Tommy. Fuck you. I’ll have her back at yours when we’re done.”

  I needed to put an end to this conversation. We actually looked like a real couple arguing over the normal marital crap.

  “No, I’ll wait here. Don’t argue or I’ll can this whole thing and take her myself.”

  “Fine,” she grumbled and went via the table to collect Carly who had speed eaten a slice of pizza. When I watched them walk off, I couldn’t take my eyes off how close they seemed to be, how much like friends or mother and daughter they looked. That and the fact that I failed to stop my mind from wandering and thinking about Lacey underwear shopping—lots of different types of it, rude stuff, fancy lacy stuff and dirty role play stuff. Just any combination, which meant I really was a pathetic guy. I wanted to be a grown up about this, but the horny little high schooler that lived inside every guy couldn’t shake off the images that were bombarding my brain. I was in a busy shopping mall trying not to get a hard on over the thought of a sexy as fuck woman flicking through garments designed to tease.

  Dammit! Don’t think about anything to do with Lacey and the word ‘flick’ in the same sentence. Like I said, ridiculous.

  An hour and a half later, I was just getting ready to call in a tactical unit to track them down when they reappeared carrying armloads of shopping bags.

  “Do I have any credit left?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at a satisfied looking Lacey.

  “Girls need to be treated, Tommy. Treated to pretty things, treated well and treated with respect. Later, Carly, it’s been fun,” she said and swung the bags in my direction. I bet it fucking was. Looking at the volume of shopping bags, I’d have said my girl could be sporting a new outfit everyday for the next month.

  “Join us for dinner,” I heard Carly shout after her and I had to work very hard to hide the groan working up my throat. These two had bonded and I could only hope that with time, her school friends would fill the void that Lacey was about to leave in her life—a void of my making, not my daughter’s.

  “You’re welcome to join us,” I began, thinking that she should probably be there for the little surprise party, and then I saw it… Hope began to flicker in Lacey’s expression-filled eyes.

  Fuck.

  “If you’re sure, I’d love to. I’ll follow you back in Tula.”

  Lacey Talbot

  I was confused. My emotions were swinging back and forth between anger and hurt or hopeful, and regretting the way I’d left things with Tommy.

  I’d taken a leaf out of Lottie’s playbook and gone shopping, figuring retail therapy was the best distraction tactic for a woman. Bumping into him while I was there had not been part of the plan. I didn’t actually need anything from the mall. I just needed noise and nameless faces for company. How can you get over your… whatever if you keep running into him? I’d done really well to get through my epic heartbreak speech, but the problem with that was when I walked out of the house, I felt this huge crater of nothing surrounding me. There was no longer a prospect of a new romance. There was no longer the thrill of falling in love. There was just nothing and it rocked me… a lot.

  Carly was a phenomenal young girl. One day she’d be beyond beautiful, and if today had taught me anything it was that she needed a female influence in her life. There would be many firsts Tommy wouldn’t have a clue how to deal with—first period, first boyfriend, first heartbreak, and for all of those she’d cry and need someone who had been there to guide her to the other side. Knowing that spot her in life, and by proxy Tommy’s, was vacant and could be filled by anyone but me was like trying to swallow broken glass over and over again.

  There was no way I was going to refuse her invite for dinner. I was going to leave that decision up to Tommy. He could deny her and more importantly, me. But when he mellowed and said yes, I felt so elated I could have been the twelve-year-old. A bud of hope flickered inside me and I wanted nothing more than to see if this was something we could sort out and work on.

  I pulled up behind Tommy on the driveway and smiled when he encouraged Carly to wait for me before they walked in. It felt like a beginning of sorts. To see him gesture that I was important enough to go in with them when all Carly wanted to do was drag her purchases inside was heartwarming, especially when it was Tommy who was holding her back.

  Carly chattered away as we made our way to the door, and as soon as she opened it, the room exploded with cheers. Tommy stood in between she and I to make sure she entered first. I screamed in shock, just like Carly who had ditched all her shopping and was looking round, completely puzzled. Tommy’s front room and hallway had been transformed into party central. There were welcome banners and balloons everywhere. All the full time residential kids who weren’t in school were there, as were Lottie, Oli and Sam, Tara from the office and some of the drivers I knew Tommy considered family.

  “What… what’s going on?” Carly asked with a slightly pale face. She was getting more spooked by the minute. The table was filled with party snacks and soda cans and you could tell the kids were hovering close by, just so they could make a dent at the first opportunity.

  I watched as Tommy closed up the distance between them and stood in front of her. The auburn haired, gangly legged beauty looked up at him with big questioning green eyes as he whispered, “Results are in, Carly, and they’re good results. No, great results. I just wanted you to be welcomed here officially.”

  “You mean… I’m… I can stay?”

  “You can and you are.” He smiled back. It was gorgeous to see them connecting. I was struggling to hold back my emotions—after all, this was everything kids like us ever dreamed of. Carly threw her arms around his middle, which surprised the hell out of him, giving him what could have been their first real hug. Once again, I had to sniff back tears because I couldn’t decide who I was happiest for, Carly or Tommy. Both of them had found each other and neither of them would be alone again.

  When they broke free, Lottie rushed in on the action, cuddling Carly while Oli shook Tommy’s hand and ruffled Carly’s thick mane of hair. I saw Tommy nod to them both in thanks and had to fight back the well of sadness that was heading in my direction.

  This was the reason I was here.

  This surprise party was the only reason he’d asked me to come home with them.

  He didn’t want me, so much so that he’d called in Lottie to create a surprise party for Carly when I would have loved nothing more than to be the one to do it for her.

  No other underlying reason.

  Looking for an immediate escape, I spotted the strewn about shopping bags and headed for them. Gathering them up was the perfect excuse to get a couple of minutes away from prying eyes. I desperately needed time to deal with the disappointment I was feeling. No sooner had I realized what was going on than I started to experience familiar feelings from my childhood, in particular being manipulated by the ones I loved.

  As soon as I’d stepped through Carly’s bedroom door, I heard it shut behind me and I knew Tommy had followed me upstairs.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he began.

  “About what? The results or the party?” I snapped at him.

  “The party.” He seemed confused by my mood. I was donning my protection and trying to save face, and the only wa
y I knew to do that was to be angry. It was either that or break down in front of him and I did not want to be that weak little girl.

  “Were you going to invite me at all? When you asked Lottie to do all this for you, did you even think about me and how I’m the one who helped Carly settle in? If we hadn’t bumped into each other at the mall and Carly hadn’t invited me, would you have asked me to come?”

  “Uh…” The look on his face didn’t say he was confused by my question. It said he was scrabbling for an answer or some words that weren’t going to make this worse.

  “That’s fine. I understand. We’re done. We were never on and we weren’t friends before our blurred lines.”

  “Lacey, come on. Give me a break,” he started in exasperation. “I’m trying to do the right thing.”

  “And why is us not being together the right thing?” I asked calmly, stepping up to meet him. I looked over his face and saw a crack in his façade. For the first time, he was showing signs of giving in. I decided to take my chance and reached up, pointing a single finger before touching his plump lip. The judder of his body told me he was fighting to regain the power and stand by his decision. “I’ve never felt what I feel for you Tommy,” I told him, finding my courage and forgetting all about my need to walk away and follow my own mother’s advice. I leaned forward and ran my tongue across his lip, trying to tease him into opening his.

  As quickly as it begun, he shut it down. “No,” he ordered, stepping away. “I said no and I meant it. We can’t happen. End of.”

  My body was pleading for me to beg him to change his mind. “Last chance, Tommy. We can make this work. If I’m not bothered by age and by what other people think then you shouldn’t be either. Please, for me, give it a go.”

  “We’re done, Lacey. It’s better this way.” I felt him backing away from me so I turned around to face the wall. I could not watch him walk away and not choose me. I felt like an idiot for getting my hopes up, my ego was bruised and I hadn’t even factored in the fact that he’d finally, once and for all, shut down the possibility of anything more between us.