Flick (The Black Sentinels MC Book 4) Read online

  Outside I saw Beckett leaning up against his car. “Where is she?”

  “Uh…” There was no way I could physically say those words to him.

  “I get it. I’ll deal with her later.” He shook his head, not in the least bit pleased and I wondered how pissed he’d be when he realized it was best bud that had delayed her. “Climb in.”

  “We can’t leave her!”

  Beckett pulled out his cell and dialed, “Mitch, track down my sister and give her a lift home. And I wanna know who she’s screwing around with.” It was a good move not to say anything, Mitchell definitely wouldn’t have any issue tracking her down. “Gotta make a detour for gas or we could end up pushing the bucket of junk.”

  We rode in silence. I said nothing when he pulled up at the gas station, and he said nothing when he climbed back in the car.

  Two miles down the road, the car started to splutter and judder.

  “Fuck! Bucket of junk!” His frustration clear in his voice.

  “Thought you put fuel in?”

  He speared me with a look. “I did.” It slowed to a stop where he slammed his hands against the steering wheel. “Come on!” Turning the key in the ignition did nothing apart from make the car click and die. I watched as he climbed out and waited for me. “Let’s go.”

  “Where?”

  “Home.”

  “It’s like, two miles! What if you looked under the hood?”

  Beckett stopped and turned around. “What if you looked under the hood?”

  “Why would I do that? I’m not a mechanic.”

  “Neither am I. Now, start moving or you won’t just be late, you’ll be really fucking late.”

  Damn it! He was right, so I scrambled out of the car to join him.

  Not long after, I was done with the silence. “You don’t say much, do you?” Beckett gave me the side eye. “Time would go a lot faster if you, you know, conversed.”

  “And what would you like to talk about? Geometry homework? Classic authors or the Spanish inquisition?”

  He was taking the piss out of me and I didn’t like how it felt one bit. “Asshole,” I muttered under my breath.

  Beckett stopped, looked at me and threw back his head laughing. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and my crush on him ratcheted up to extreme levels. With the moonlight as a backdrop he looked like a wolf howling at the moon. “Finally.”

  “What?”

  “Some spirit, some fucking personality.”

  “I have spirit and personality; I just save it for… friends.” My body was wired, it wasn’t often Beckett got deep and meaningful with me.

  “Whatever, your head didn’t explode as the curse word passed your lips, feel free to use that spirit a bit more.”

  As we walked, I fell permanently behind him, his stride too long and too fast for me to keep up.

  “Stop looking at my ass,” he laughed.

  “I’m not.” The outrage rang falsely in my voice, but he wasn’t wrong, his ass looked amazing.

  “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.”

  “Humph! Not what Kelsey said after spring break last year.”

  Beckett laughed again. “She wishes.”

  “Or Vanessa.”

  “Wrong again, Flick.”

  “Or Michelle,” I mumbled, prepared to list them all.

  This time when he stopped, I walked straight into the back of him, totally concentrating on the way his pants hugged his ass cheeks. “What is this, roll call?”

  “Well they can’t all ‘wish’.”

  He walked on. “Listen, when you’ve got it, they all want it.”

  I snorted it. “Now who’s wishing?”

  “You do, for a start.” My step faltered causing me to trip into his back. “See, you’re already falling for me.”

  Falling. I’d fallen years ago when he split a Snickers bar with me one night when we watched Rocky IV in his basement.

  After a few seconds, I realized he still had hold of me where he’d caught me and the skin on my arms smoldered where we connected. “You ever been kissed?” He looked down at me and I felt intimidated, small and I hated feeling small, or maybe it was that he was just freakishly tall. I pulled myself from his grasp and this time I walked ahead. “I’ll take that as a no then.”

  I ignored him and all his taunts for the rest of the way home until we neared the street where I lived. The wood around the corner stretched around the back of the houses. As I went to the shrubbery to look for my t-shirt, he grabbed my arm. “Hey, come on, I’m sorry, you’re just so easy to wind up.”

  “And you’re an asshole.”

  “I’m sorry, okay, let me make it up to you.”

  “Impossible,” I spat back at him.

  “I know a way.”

  Beckett pulled me to the largest tree in my parents’ yard, the top of it mixed with the ones that lived in the woods to the side of my house creating a canopy, the leaves in the fall were epic and as a kid I loved throwing around the huge piles of them that dropped to the ground. When my back hit the tree trunk, he shrouded me from the road and all the houses, my own included. “What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.

  “I’m going to give you your first real kiss.”

  The four sips of beer I’d had hours ago threatened reappearance. “No, you’re not.”

  “Not what? Not going to kiss you or not going to give you your first real kiss?”

  “Either.” I swallowed, not sure whether I felt nervous, excited or scared that he was just teasing me like usual.

  Beckett raised his hand and pushed my hair behind my ear “Breathe. Breathe.” I was pretty sure I’d never breathe properly again as his thumb pad rubbed over my lips, while I looked up into his face. “It’s easy, you’re just going to follow my lead.” His head came closer and with room to back away from him, his lips hit mine. I gasped and felt his tongue dart in my mouth, before he retreated. “It can’t be called a kiss if you don’t participate, Flick.”

  My tummy melted when he called me that. Beckett came at me again and I closed my eyes, praying I wasn’t dreaming. If I woke up now in my room alone, I’d be seriously pissed. Beckett’s mouth controlled mine and feeling super brave, I jabbed my tongue at his, hearing him groan.

  “Fast learner,” he murmured, and his hand squeezed my tit, the shock wave of it causing an electric jolt to zing inside me. After what can only be described as definite groping, he plastered his body against mine and the breath left my lungs when I felt every hard inch of him press me into the tree trunk as he kissed me, a kiss which was becoming more and more passionate. Beckett’s hand encouraged my head to tilt back further as he deepened the kiss and when he picked me up, pulled my legs around him and pushed me back into the tree trunk, dry humping me, I nearly had my very first non-self-induced orgasm. When I groaned and shivered, he realized where we were, who he was, and that I was his sister’s best friend, causing him to put me back on my feet and retreat, ending my dream.

  “Best be getting inside, Flick.”

  Devastation poked at me as he stepped away and walked off. Feeling the cold immediately, I touched my lips to see if they were as swollen as they felt.

  “Asshole.”

  “Never said I wasn’t,” came the reply as he continued walking and didn’t look back. I instantly hated that I’d given him my first real, passionate kiss. It meant everything to me and nothing to him. I watched him until he disappeared into the distance of the night.

  I woke up the next morning wondering how I was going to avoid Beckett at his house. If he ignored me, I knew it would blow my heart to pieces. I combed my hair in the mirror, perfecting the art of nonchalance, wondering if that would work. Would that make him realize he’d been an asshole so he’d apologize and ask for a repeat performance?

  That never happened though, Beckett Hope had enlisted in the army. He left the very next morning sending my hope plummeting, leaving me with an irreparable, teenage broken heart.

 
; Ten Years later

  Beckett ‘Shadow’ Hope

  “Another beer?”

  “Sure.”

  Lauren hesitated behind the bar in the clubhouse, and I had a feeling I knew what was coming. We’d fucked a couple of times just recently and each time had been… pleasant.

  A shit way to describe a fuck with a willing, tight, warm body, but not half as pleasant as how it quieted my mind for about ten minutes. After that, the thoughts, the memories, the fucking images began to prod to be let back in.

  “Not tonight, babe,” I muttered under my breath, trying to let her down as gently as possible. No one knew we’d hooked up. I didn’t do it here often and I didn’t do it back at my place either; that was my sanctuary. Malia and Wave had only just moved into their place and I craved some solitude. So mostly we’d fucked at Lauren’s place.

  “You change your mind, get on your bike and come over later.”

  A bit of senseless fucking could be just what the doctor ordered, but I was feeling particularly conflicted right now and when that happened, the darkness came.

  The memories overwhelmed me.

  The images were just too fucking raw, too real.

  Shit got dangerously out of control and on more than one occasion over the last few years I’d woken up with my hand around some girl’s throat, her face a shade too close to death. My fingers responsible for her near-death experience, until I’d snapped out of it.

  Luckily, I had snapped out of it and no way could I put Lauren in that position.

  “Won’t be tonight.” I slugged back my beer and saw the hope die in her eyes. She was lucky she had some to begin with, the hope within me had been extinguished years ago. Trust me, this wasn’t just a case of being cruel to be kind, it was a matter of life and death. Her life and very probably her death. Not mine, I was already dead, inside at least anyway.

  “You okay, brother?”

  Mac slotted himself onto the seat next to me. He’d hung around longer than I anticipated after we’d seen to Malia’s drama and was another one chasing away demons on a daily basis. Most of the demons I saw behind the shutters of my eyelids deserved to be called demons; they were real life fucking events. But Mac didn’t know how to deal with his. He saw things his imagination cooked up, not knowing the exact and tortuous details of his sister’s death at the hands of flesh traders had done that to him. I wasn’t sure which was worse sometimes, but I knew there was no way my brain could make up the shit I saw, so maybe real was worse.

  “Will be.”

  “You need me, you call.” He walked off. He might have run from his old life, but there were parts of it he just couldn’t shake off.

  If I waited, the demons would come to me. If it happened here it was better; I wouldn’t invite them home with me, they’d roam free and infect my safe sanctuary. My room at the club wasn’t like that of my other brothers’, mine was one step away from a military base. Everything had a place, and everything was in that place. All lined up, neatly regimented, spic and span and mother-fucking spotless. The bed I lay in had perfect boxed corners, lines so clean and crisp, you could draw a straight edge from one side to the other, a perfect ruler template. Socks were balled up in drawers, clothes neat and laundered, everything always ready. One step above an emergency set of clothes. Nothing personal. No posters of cars or titty girls, nothing sentimental. Just plain white walls, a bed, a chair, a TV set, and a clothes unit.

  My bathroom was spotless, you could eat your lunch off any surface, including the toilet seat. Shower tiles glistened, wiped down after every use. I kept it clean.

  Clean and clinical.

  Sterile and standard.

  Zero personality, a box containing the barest essentials.

  Tidy house, tidy mind. Or at least until the demons came.

  I lay down on the bed in the dark, and my eyes closed as I inhaled for two seconds and exhaled for four, feeling the air work into all the places it was needed, my lungs, my abdomen and my heart.

  I inhaled for two again and held my breath, then exhaled for four, imagining the rise and fall of my chest, praying this would stop the onslaught before it began.

  It didn’t.

  Flash, gunfire, smoke, and blood. I looked to my right and saw my brother fall to his knees, his fingers at his throat coated in his own blood as it pumped from his jugular.

  No time.

  Need time.

  There’s never enough fucking time, I always had to leave them to die alone in pain and suffering.

  I looked up and saw the motherfucker. I could smell him.

  It was him, the enemy, or me.

  Save my brother or slaughter his killer.

  How did I choose?

  My brother gurgled through his last breath, making the decision for me.

  In the dark smoky bunker, I propelled forward reaching for the knife in my leg holster. The gun would be quicker, but it would draw more of them to me, and stray bullets kill innocents. I had enough death on my hands without killing the wrong people too.

  A flash of light seared my eyes causing the night vision goggles to fucking blind me.

  One blink.

  Two blinks.

  On the fifth blink I saw him.

  I saw him hunkered down in the small confined space, he was the target, he was my enemy. My heart thumped wildly, my head drifting back to home, my mom, my sister.

  Not now.

  Not. Fucking. Now.

  I had a job to do, someone to end. Kill or be killed.

  I reached down and grabbed the motherfucker, my hand around his throat.

  Fuck. He was just a kid.

  His mouth moved as he clawed at my hands. “Plead all you like, motherfucker,” I snarled, but I didn’t know if I could do this. Could I kill this kid?

  No. he was just misled, a misinformed juvenile in the wrong place at the wrong time. My grip slackened and I felt him inhale, his throat swelled in my grip. His free hand fell to his side and the relief in his eyes told me I’d made the right choice, until I saw it.

  A flash of steel sliced up towards me, the same knife that had sliced my brothers throat. My brother had made the same generous mistake.

  I wouldn’t. “Motherfucker!”

  Him or me. Back to the impossible choice, but there was only one acceptable outcome.

  I grabbed his tiny hand, barely big enough to hold the damn knife and pulled it up before his eyes. I wanted him to stare at his own death, to see it through the reflection in his eyes, in the steel of the knife. Panic consumed the boy again as I placed the knife’s tip under his chin.

  “God forgive me.” I slammed the knife up into his skull. His warm blood, covering both of our hands in the deadliest of bonds.

  The boy kicked out, and unable to bear the slow death of such a young boy, I pulled it out and shoved it straight into his chest. Out again and back into his stomach. The fourth and fifth time were unnecessary, but the demons did that, not me. Him or me.

  The sound of someone’s fist as it hammered against my room door brought me out of my memories.

  Sweat coated my skin and my t-shirt was drenched and clung to me. My muscles were all bunched up and clenched to the extremes, ready for action, ready to strike.

  “Shadow. Phone.”

  “Take a message,” I bellowed back, barely able to form words, let alone cogitate.

  “Some chick says it’s important.”

  “Take a fucking message.”

  “On it.”

  I inhaled more breaths, some to calm, some to oxygenate muscles that were precariously close to tearing. “Fuck.” That was close. So close to losing my shit, but also close to nearly making it through the dream and out the other side, and the only way to get rid of it was to let it happen. Take it on, let it have its fill of me and then I was free for just another night.

  I showered, put on a fresh t-shirt and felt the recognizable comfort of my cut as I shrugged it back on. I may have lost one set of brothers, but the Black Senti
nels were a pretty close replacement and what we had was similar. Loyalty, family and respect. I’d die for any one of them, knowing they’d lay down their life for me too.

  Out in the common area things had carried on despite my little mental mind fuck. Malia and Wave were huddled up watching some game. Gears and Gigi were talking with Gigi’s now not-so-small niece, and Wolf and Angel were wrapped up in each other, one step away from needing to take things to a more private setting. Until he spotted me. “You okay?” Wolf recognized the signs, whereas I’d done my horrible deeds under the guise of the star-spangled banner, Wolf did his out of necessity.

  “Someone mentioned a call?” Wolf interpreted my deflection correctly and let me have it.

  “Yeah, numbers by the board.” I turned my head and sure enough, there was a number with my name by it.

  “Fuck,” I mumbled, and because Wolf was still watching my every move, he moved away from Angel and came to me.

  “You know it?”

  “Area code looks like home.”

  “Go take it in the office, if you need me, holler.”

  I nodded and even though he’d gone back to loving Angel, I knew now both of them would be keeping their eyes on me. I closed the door and the noise of the pool table, the game on the TV and usual chatter died out.

  Like always, I never used my cell. No one from home had that number and it was better if it stayed that way. I wasn’t good enough for them yet. I’d still got the darkness of death infecting me and my sanity levels weren’t nearly normal enough to give them regular access to my life. I was doing my sister a favor and she knew this.

  “Hello?” Shock at hearing Flick’s voice knocked me off balance a bit.

  “You called.” Blunt, brief, and to the point. Words were pointless unless they were meaningful in my experience. Just hot air leaving someone’s brain.

  “Beckett?”

  “Yeah.”

  “There’s been a… uh… accident.” The words should have shocked me, but when you’d seen as much death as me, then it was almost normal.

  I swallowed, my pulse rising. “Tracey?”

  “Tracey.” I heard Flick, her best friend of forever sniff. It was still raw then. Hearing her confirm it stole the breath from my body, and I looked at the heavens above, eyeballing the motherfucker who lived up there. He needed to know he’d fucked up by taking her and not me.